Bowing down to the Internal Authority

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 Life has been kind to me. That is a fact very clear to me. And yet my daily struggles are many. If one is not challenged by unkind circumstances, does the internal conflict become too hard to ignore? I wonder about that a lot. The struggles of my daily existence stem from internal conflict and confusion more than external unkind events. 

I have tremendous freedom in my life right now. I am one of the two adults in my household who can pretty much have a whim and the household will have to oblige to that whim. There are no older generation folks living with me who would judge and act as my external authority. I no longer have a time based job that could dictate my day in terms of schedule and priority. I really am my own boss! 

When you have this kind of freedom, you can really fly if you are able to. For one who is used to be in a prison guarded by external authority, this freedom can be daunting. It can make you lazy and unmotivated. In such a setting of freedom, one must have an internal authority. We all have an internal authority, if only we listen to it and let it guide us. 

I have noticed that after coming back from a family vacation, I am not able to get back to my former life. This former life is carefully built with daily intentions and their fulfillment. Its not an easy task for me to stay on track with my intentions without a rigor imposed by school or job. The establishment of this daily routine is crafted by the tool of self awareness or complete attention. I like to use the word "vigilance" for it. When you are free to do whatever you want to do, this vigilance is of paramount value. When I take vacations with my family and friends, I let me guards down and my old "self" is waiting to embrace me with open arms! This vigilance of all your thoughts, self images and feelings will then form your internal authority. See your thoughts and feelings and understand where they come from, what they want and you can place them in their right place where they belong.

In the absence of external authority for accountability, one tends to go back to those things that one has accumulated in terms of attachment to pleasure or pain. Vigilance is required to keep a careful eye on these habitual patterns one can fall into. Then your internal authority can take charge and maintain order in your life, in your mind. 

Wouldn't it be nice if we had less accumulations in the first place?  One effective way to minimize distractions is to refrain from labeling or judging the sensations in your body arising from various experiences. For instance, when savoring a piece of your favorite chocolate, immerse yourself in the sensations without categorizing them as "good" or "bad." 

Start your day with an intention, a schedule for its realization and let your internal authority take over.

Blessed Be.

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