Mid Life Crisis

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 Writing here, at my blog, after a long time! A lot has changed for me. Every few years my influences change, the books I read change, the ideals I follow change and I change in response to that. While at it, one thing that stayed constant all these years was my employment at a software company. I have worked at Fender Musical Instruments Corp. for 13. 6 years and I decided to quit my lucrative, much respected and most of the times fun job in October 2022! It was a shock to me and almost everyone who knows me. Even though I have tried to quit my job several times over the 13.6 years that I worked at Fender, this actually was the most genuine feeling that I have acted on. 

It all began with the beginning of the pandemic. I joined a book club in April 2020, right at the beginning of the pandemic. It was to study Starhawk's "Spiral Dance" with a bunch of people I didn't really know but met on FaceBook. I had already read this book before but I read it again with these amazing group of people and with a lot of sincerity. It really started changing my life. In 2020, after the book club ended, we had this amazing group of females, all intent on understanding themselves and living lives on their own terms. At that time, we all identified as Witches and we gave birth to a coven. We were together for 1.5 years and we did some intense magic together! And it changed my life....completely. It brought me face to face with my Truth and gave me the courage to act on it and accept it. And here I am today, at a career pause. 

I do not know what life looks like for me going forward. So far, life was predictable in a certain sense. I stuck with my Engineering knowledge and skills and kept walking the usual path of career growth that can happen to a person like me. I was happy in my role at Fender. Fender was my special little place. I loved working there, I loved all my colleagues who I reached out and made my friends. It was a hard journey and my career at Fender is one of the things in my life that I am immensely proud of. So, leaving Fender was extremely hard for me. I cried every single day for 1.5 months over my decision to quit my job. But its not a choice I made, it was choiceless! All the work I did over the pandemic brought  me to that point of no return. And I had no option left. My soul was yearning for something else. I do not know what and I do not know why. Many would say that this is my mid-life crisis as I had turned 43 and may be they are right. May be this is my mid life crisis and I answered the call. I did not ignore the call, I could not. I am in a liminal space right now. In between two careers or two parts of my life. I know not what I will end up doing. But I am not scared, I know I am doing what my heart is asking me to. There was a lot of fear and uncertainty when I had made the decision and it was not executed yet, but now on the other side, life is not that scary. I have crossed the bridge and now I keep moving in the direction that I find for myself. 

I am not a person with passions. I do not know what my life's vocation is. There are so many things that give me joy but nothing stands out as the "ONE". So the search is ON right now. I do not know where this path will lead, I do not know if I will ever find my life's work, I do not know if I will ever be passionate about something, "I do not know" is all I know. And I will take that for now....

Blessed Be.

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