Silence

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I cannot understand myself sometimes. My need for silence, my need to just stare at the horizon and think about nothing, talk to nobody, just be there. It happened at a family outing yesterday. We were with all of our friends and family enjoying a day out in Payson. It was a beautiful day, sunny but not hot. I did not feel like talking to anybody. I was just there, staring at the grass, staring at the water, looking at the ducks. All the kids were playing, laughing, being silly...it was a joy to watch them. I was my old self, aloof and not wanting to talk with anybody. This has been my natural state of being for the longest time.

Recently I have been slowly trying to change myself. I feel the need to connect more with people around me, especially at work. I want to talk to people, have meaningful conversations with them and connect with them at a deeper level. I want to know what moves them, what bothers them, what are their life's values. I want to contribute to their lives and I want to get inspired by their stories. I want to love them deeply. I have all these wonderful thoughts and they are very different than what I know myself to be, a loner. Its confusing sometimes. But I know its my Truth right now and so shall I be with it.

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