The way I see it

Yesterday was my 14 year Anniversary of joining Fender and I had a very emotional day. I woke up with that sadness in my heart. I felt the pain of separation from my work and colleagues who I loved so much. I cried for something that was lost. Everyone there must have moved on from me, naturally. However, I am still connected with them because I have not moved on to another job yet. I feel sad that they have forgotten me. I poured my heart into my work at Fender, I treated everything there as my own, like my family. And I developed attachment and expectations in return. Seeing people move on from those connections and attachments causes me pain. But this is the truth of life. Wherever you develop attachments, that is what will cause you pain. It is as simple as that. Once I see the truth, I cannot help but be grateful for these valuable lessons that life keeps teaching me at every opportune moment.  Life truly is beautiful if you cultivate the ability to see truth in everything tha...

Listen carefully, this is an Easter story, a Spring tale of an adopted duckling.  A little duckling was using all its energy to emerge out of its broken egg. As he took his first little steps out of his shell, he instinctively started looking for his mother. But the duck mother was nowhere to be found. The little duckling was lost without the protection of his mom. All he wanted was to follow the footsteps of his Mom. To his luck, there was a kind young girl sitting on a bench with her best friend, watching intently the struggle of this little duckling. As she started walking away from the creek, this little guy sensed the vibrations of her footsteps and something inside him made him follow her.  The little girl was surprised and confused. "Mom, he is following me everywhere. What do I do?", she asked her own mother. They both decided to let the little guy follow them to their house. They let him be in their backyard, waiting and watching every move of the new born baby. He f...

 A woman in her mid-forties, Trying to find her place in the world, She was lost as she knew not who she was. She read many books, Followed many Gurus, Went deep into scriptures, All to understand herself and her place in the world. In her desperation, she left her day job, Let go of her financial security, All in search of her own Truth. She watched so many videos, Read many articles, And listened sincerely to many a podcasts. She would change her viewpoint, her life based on those influential, borrowed thoughts. Until one day, she knew not who was talking through her, Was it herself or all the ghosts that she carried with her? No wonder she felt lost, Her life was not her own, But merely a second hand life. "Enough with all the noise, all the dos and donts!", she roared. "I want to become my own influencer, I want to hear my own voice, Understand what it wants, What are its desires, What excites it and rocks its world!" In all the noise of the world, Her own voice...

 I came across this phrase in the Julia Roberts' movie, "Eat, Pray, Love". What it means, I will reveal at the end of the post, in case you don't know it already. When I was thinking of quitting my job, I always used to think, "What will I do with all my time once I quit?". Let me remind you that I am a Mom of 2 young boys who go to school, have HW and have lots of extra curricular activities. We also cook and eat home 90% of the time. So yeah, whoever thought that I would have a lot of free time! But this has always been my fear that was induced in my by the culture, the fear of having nothing to do, the fear of becoming nobody, the fear of an empty mind and how it can quickly turn into a devil's workshop! I have always dreaded not having something to do in my life. As a child, when I got bored, I always wanted to fill it up with watching TV, or hanging out with friends or doing anything else but not staying with the feeling of boredom. I wonder how muc...

 Last night, I went for the tabla concert, "Zakir Hussain and the Masters of Percussion" here in Scottsdale Center of Performing Arts. It was a beautiful evening and there were moments where I was completely mesmerized by their musical creation. It was surreal when all the 5 musicians created something in symphony. There were 3 from India, 1 from Africa and 1 from I don't know where. Everyone except one, who was a sarangi player, were percussionists.  I went alone this time, because it was a part of my Artists Date (Julia Cameron's Artist tool). Everyone around me had come with someone, either friends or family, at least as far as I could see and tell. I was wondering if I felt lonely there, looking at everyone talking and enjoying together as small groups. A musical concert is a communication between the listener and the performers, where is the place of anybody else in this relationship? There was no moment to feel lonely, I was sharing the experience generated by t...

 Writing here, at my blog, after a long time! A lot has changed for me. Every few years my influences change, the books I read change, the ideals I follow change and I change in response to that. While at it, one thing that stayed constant all these years was my employment at a software company. I have worked at Fender Musical Instruments Corp. for 13. 6 years and I decided to quit my lucrative, much respected and most of the times fun job in October 2022! It was a shock to me and almost everyone who knows me. Even though I have tried to quit my job several times over the 13.6 years that I worked at Fender, this actually was the most genuine feeling that I have acted on.  It all began with the beginning of the pandemic. I joined a book club in April 2020, right at the beginning of the pandemic. It was to study Starhawk's "Spiral Dance" with a bunch of people I didn't really know but met on FaceBook. I had already read this book before but I read it again with these am...

 I was in my favorite place on a beach in CA. It was the Pescadero beach I visited this summer. It was cold and windy and a little cloudy. The seagulls were flying and shouting with joy as the wind was blowing below their wings and through their feathers. It seemed like they were enjoying it as much as I was! My feet were naked and I had a desire to be naked as well, just a gentle cloth covering my body to protect me from the cold. I was alone. The ocean was ferocious, creating mighty waves from within itself. There were mightier ships sailing on the horizon, brave hearts they were! I had collected so many sea shells. The sand below my feet felt so soft and cold. I stood at the shore, letting some waves crash on my naked feet. It felt cold and amazing as the sand beneath my feet got dragged in the ocean by the water. I cannot express how beautiful I felt.! Just then a voice whispered in my ears, "What do you want, dear Pallavi? In this sacred place, you shall get what you want!...