The way I see it

Today, I want to share my love for cinema and how it captures my heart with its authentic emotions and depth of feeling. When I find myself deeply drawn to something, I often ask myself a fundamental question: "What part of me is resonating with this? Which part of me feels complete because of it? And why, if at all, do I feel incomplete without it?" Since childhood, cinema has fascinated me. It transports me to another world, immerses me in its reality, and leaves me changed. Some films create such an impact that I feel unable to return to everyday life. Recently, two movies— The Idea of You and Red, White & Royal Blue , both on Prime Video—had that effect on me. The actor who captivated me was Nicholas Galitzine. His performance left such an impression that it compelled me to write this piece. Galitzine is devilishly handsome, with a chiseled face, expressive eyes, amazing hair, and a smooth, silky voice that he uses beautifully to sing. I watched him play very differe...

Life begins from a mother's womb, Mine began in Sandhya's embrace. She nurtured me with love, Doing her absolute best, Of this I have no doubt. For this, my gratitude knows no bounds, Forever indebted to her grace. Life begins in Mother Earth's womb, Sustained by her bountiful gifts. Supported by her seasonal cycles, Her acts of creation, growth, sustenance, and death. The Earth, ever so beautiful, grounds me, Eases my anxious thoughts, Absorbs my troubles into her belly, Renews me with a glance at her beauty. Forgive our callousness, We are slaves of our minds, Unaware of anything better. Life begins in the Dark Mother's womb, In connecting with Mother Kali. Her image once filled me with fear: Her symbols of death and destruction. Until I realized that to live is to die every moment, Dying to my likes, dislikes, attachments, and fears, Life is Death, they are inseparable. Mother Kali, your image reminds me of death, the great equalizer, Highlighting all that frightens ...

My Dear Sid, Words can never fully express my love for you, Your beautiful face makes my heart skip a beat. Your eyes, so full of depth and curiosity, Call upon me to drown in their beauty. Who are you, and where have you come from To melt my heart so profoundly? Your lips, so perfectly shaped, How I long to kiss them gently. Your questions, endless and probing, Challenge me; in my mental captivity, I struggle to find the answers. Forgive me, for I falter and feel unworthy of your love. The way you look at me, Your gaze piercing my heart, Reveals that you are extraordinary, In every sense of the word. Your observations of life and truth, Your bravery in questioning my ways, Bring light into my life. I am thankful to the vast universe For blessing me with you, Even though I feel unworthy of such a child. Forgive my anger, My foolish belief that I know better. Mother, take me back, let me learn, To become worthy of this incredible being. I love you, Sid, More than I can ever express. May...

 Life has been kind to me. That is a fact very clear to me. And yet my daily struggles are many. If one is not challenged by unkind circumstances, does the internal conflict become too hard to ignore? I wonder about that a lot. The struggles of my daily existence stem from internal conflict and confusion more than external unkind events.  I have tremendous freedom in my life right now. I am one of the two adults in my household who can pretty much have a whim and the household will have to oblige to that whim. There are no older generation folks living with me who would judge and act as my external authority. I no longer have a time based job that could dictate my day in terms of schedule and priority. I really am my own boss!  When you have this kind of freedom, you can really fly if you are able to. For one who is used to be in a prison guarded by external authority, this freedom can be daunting. It can make you lazy and unmotivated. In such a setting of freedom, one mu...

I've been contemplating intentions lately and the profound power they hold. It might sound like an exaggeration to claim that there's no force in the Universe capable of hindering a person with clarity of intention. I acknowledge the Universe's complexity, surpassing my understanding, so let me express it differently— the Universe bows down to those individuals with a clear sense of purpose and intent. When one possesses a crystal-clear intent, willpower takes a back seat, requiring less exertion and struggle, if any. To reach this state, the intention must stem from a place of profound understanding and perception. This involves deep self-knowledge, a complete grasp of one's thoughts, beliefs, and values. It requires understanding your life with its priorities, needs, and responsibilities—knowing what can be compromised and what cannot. A comprehensive understanding of the facts surrounding your life enables insights to emerge, guiding both intention and subsequent act...

All religions emphasize the pursuit of permanence. We witness impermanence in life, and our yearning for lasting stability is rooted in our desire for certainty. Isn't this the reality? We possess a profound longing for certainty and permanence. Religions recognize this, offering permanence as a reward at the culmination of a virtuous life. It's remarkably straightforward. Follow the commandments, and you attain an everlasting heaven; endure suffering, and you transcend the self to discover a super-Self that is eternal and beyond mortality. It's all very obvious. But why cling to permanence at all? Why crave certainty and permanence? Wouldn't it be more sensible to embrace impermanence and construct a life grounded in this truth? Life and everything it encompasses are inherently impermanent, and becoming attached to fleeting things inevitably leads to the painful reality of losing them one day, with that attachment burdening you with sorrow, only deferred in time. Let g...

Matthew Perry, renowned for his portrayal of Chandler Bing on the beloved TV series "Friends," passed away on October 28th, 2023. As a long-time fan of both the show and his character, the news of his death hit me deeply. While I was aware of his struggles with addiction, I realized I knew little about the man beyond his public persona. That's when I came across his memoir, "Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing," available on Audible in his own voice. Hearing his story from him directly lent a profound authenticity to the narrative. The memoir delves into Perry's extraordinary journey to fame and success, particularly his iconic role in "Friends." However, it commences by exploring his early life and the childhood trauma that shaped his psyche. Raised by divorced parents living on opposite sides of North America, he grappled with profound feelings of abandonment, insecurity, fear, and constant anxiety. It's a narrative that resonates wit...

 I gazed above at the midnight skies, A million stars gazing back at me, From the deep darkness of my campsite. No division of constellations, Their countless numbers merging into a starry sea. What a magnificent sight it was, Behold the Star Goddess in all Her Glory! Now, back in the city lights, The dark heavens diluted to a gentle gray, Constellations marking their territory. I yearn for my Celestial Friends, Aware they still reside there, Gazing back at me. Do they still see me through all this noise? Perhaps they too long for me, Conscious of my own longing. We shall reunite, When I go back in nature's embrace, Then, we shall be ONE again...

 Most of us lead busy lives. We like it that way and yet we like to complain about it. I am one of those creatures, who rebelled against busyness and chose to experiment with slowing down of time. I had read abundantly about slowing down time and noticing things inside and outside you from the many spiritual books that I read, but never had I experimented with it this boldly - by taking ownership of my time with a career break.  The beauty of slow living is abundantly recorded in human history and I spoke about it in my earlier post. But what is it that happens when you slow down? The most significant thing that I noticed was the art of noticing itself! When you reduce the pace of your activities, you gain the opportunity to observe and truly pay attention to the present moment. What makes this appealing is that it allows you to notice even the smallest details. This attention is what liberates from the monotony of daily living. Is it not?  As life speeds up, it very quic...

For the past few days, I've been wrestling with a subtle undercurrent of anxiety that seems to linger through most of my waking hours. I've always been in tune with my sensations and emotions, so I found myself pondering the root cause of this unease, which wasn't immediately apparent. I decided to sit down at my writing table and delve into the truth of the matter. Why was I feeling anxious? Anxiety isn't a frequent visitor in my life. It's been nearly a year since I left my full-time job at Fender. I took that career break back in October last year. The recent release of the Fender ToneMaster Pro series led me to watch some marketing videos, which in turn, transported me back to the wonderful memories of working on products, followed by the satisfaction of watching the videos and reading the reviews. I was overwhelmed by nostalgia. I began to reflect on what I had lost and, conversely, what I might have gained during this hiatus. What I'd lost was quite eviden...

 I am Purple, a mix of red and blue. You can find me everywhere during Spring, the flower blossoms love to wear my color. I am a hue in the sky during sunsets, especially those magnificent AZ sunsets! I am the color of the liminal space, right before darkness completely takes over the space. I am a mix of red and blue, of passion and compassion, fire and water, anger and love. What do you get when you mix passion and compassion? You get purple - from passion and suffering comes compassion and from there emerges Love! Remember me, I am what comes to be when you go through passion and suffering in your quest to arrive at compassion. I am Purple, the bright beautiful color of Spring, of skies, of flowers, of sunsets, of dark monsoon skies and the border of a rainbow! I look good on your walls, on your dress and on your hat. I am in yams and some in blueberries and dark nourishing smoothies. I can brighten up any landscape on your canvas. I am Purple, a beautiful color on its own but w...

Yesterday was my 14 year Anniversary of joining Fender and I had a very emotional day. I woke up with that sadness in my heart. I felt the pain of separation from my work and colleagues who I loved so much. I cried for something that was lost. Everyone there must have moved on from me, naturally. However, I am still connected with them because I have not moved on to another job yet. I feel sad that they have forgotten me. I poured my heart into my work at Fender, I treated everything there as my own, like my family. And I developed attachment and expectations in return. Seeing people move on from those connections and attachments causes me pain. But this is the truth of life. Wherever you develop attachments, that is what will cause you pain. It is as simple as that. Once I see the truth, I cannot help but be grateful for these valuable lessons that life keeps teaching me at every opportune moment.  Life truly is beautiful if you cultivate the ability to see truth in everything tha...

Listen carefully, this is an Easter story, a Spring tale of an adopted duckling.  A little duckling was using all its energy to emerge out of its broken egg. As he took his first little steps out of his shell, he instinctively started looking for his mother. But the duck mother was nowhere to be found. The little duckling was lost without the protection of his mom. All he wanted was to follow the footsteps of his Mom. To his luck, there was a kind young girl sitting on a bench with her best friend, watching intently the struggle of this little duckling. As she started walking away from the creek, this little guy sensed the vibrations of her footsteps and something inside him made him follow her.  The little girl was surprised and confused. "Mom, he is following me everywhere. What do I do?", she asked her own mother. They both decided to let the little guy follow them to their house. They let him be in their backyard, waiting and watching every move of the new born baby. He f...

 A woman in her mid-forties, Trying to find her place in the world, She was lost as she knew not who she was. She read many books, Followed many Gurus, Went deep into scriptures, All to understand herself and her place in the world. In her desperation, she left her day job, Let go of her financial security, All in search of her own Truth. She watched so many videos, Read many articles, And listened sincerely to many a podcasts. She would change her viewpoint, her life based on those influential, borrowed thoughts. Until one day, she knew not who was talking through her, Was it herself or all the ghosts that she carried with her? No wonder she felt lost, Her life was not her own, But merely a second hand life. "Enough with all the noise, all the dos and donts!", she roared. "I want to become my own influencer, I want to hear my own voice, Understand what it wants, What are its desires, What excites it and rocks its world!" In all the noise of the world, Her own voice...

 I came across this phrase in the Julia Roberts' movie, "Eat, Pray, Love". What it means, I will reveal at the end of the post, in case you don't know it already. When I was thinking of quitting my job, I always used to think, "What will I do with all my time once I quit?". Let me remind you that I am a Mom of 2 young boys who go to school, have HW and have lots of extra curricular activities. We also cook and eat home 90% of the time. So yeah, whoever thought that I would have a lot of free time! But this has always been my fear that was induced in my by the culture, the fear of having nothing to do, the fear of becoming nobody, the fear of an empty mind and how it can quickly turn into a devil's workshop! I have always dreaded not having something to do in my life. As a child, when I got bored, I always wanted to fill it up with watching TV, or hanging out with friends or doing anything else but not staying with the feeling of boredom. I wonder how muc...

 Last night, I went for the tabla concert, "Zakir Hussain and the Masters of Percussion" here in Scottsdale Center of Performing Arts. It was a beautiful evening and there were moments where I was completely mesmerized by their musical creation. It was surreal when all the 5 musicians created something in symphony. There were 3 from India, 1 from Africa and 1 from I don't know where. Everyone except one, who was a sarangi player, were percussionists.  I went alone this time, because it was a part of my Artists Date (Julia Cameron's Artist tool). Everyone around me had come with someone, either friends or family, at least as far as I could see and tell. I was wondering if I felt lonely there, looking at everyone talking and enjoying together as small groups. A musical concert is a communication between the listener and the performers, where is the place of anybody else in this relationship? There was no moment to feel lonely, I was sharing the experience generated by t...

 Writing here, at my blog, after a long time! A lot has changed for me. Every few years my influences change, the books I read change, the ideals I follow change and I change in response to that. While at it, one thing that stayed constant all these years was my employment at a software company. I have worked at Fender Musical Instruments Corp. for 13. 6 years and I decided to quit my lucrative, much respected and most of the times fun job in October 2022! It was a shock to me and almost everyone who knows me. Even though I have tried to quit my job several times over the 13.6 years that I worked at Fender, this actually was the most genuine feeling that I have acted on.  It all began with the beginning of the pandemic. I joined a book club in April 2020, right at the beginning of the pandemic. It was to study Starhawk's "Spiral Dance" with a bunch of people I didn't really know but met on FaceBook. I had already read this book before but I read it again with these am...

 I was in my favorite place on a beach in CA. It was the Pescadero beach I visited this summer. It was cold and windy and a little cloudy. The seagulls were flying and shouting with joy as the wind was blowing below their wings and through their feathers. It seemed like they were enjoying it as much as I was! My feet were naked and I had a desire to be naked as well, just a gentle cloth covering my body to protect me from the cold. I was alone. The ocean was ferocious, creating mighty waves from within itself. There were mightier ships sailing on the horizon, brave hearts they were! I had collected so many sea shells. The sand below my feet felt so soft and cold. I stood at the shore, letting some waves crash on my naked feet. It felt cold and amazing as the sand beneath my feet got dragged in the ocean by the water. I cannot express how beautiful I felt.! Just then a voice whispered in my ears, "What do you want, dear Pallavi? In this sacred place, you shall get what you want!...

There is a road always beckoning. When you see the two sides of it closing together at that far horizon and deep in the foundations of your own heart at exactly the same time, that's how you know its where you have to go. That's how you know it's the road you have to follow. That's how you know. It's just beyond yourself, it's where you need to be. --David Whyte

This is not an original post. It was written by an acquaintance (Jane Phoenix) and I found it so relevant to my current situation that I could not NOT save the post. I have been feeling a bit sad and lonely lately because one of my closest friends (SS) will be leaving Phoenix in a few months. This is not the first time that I will be saying goodbye to a close friend. Infact this will be the fourth time in the past 5 years that I have to let go of a friend because they moved away from my city. When I read Jane's words I could not believe how true they were and how letting go with this attitude made complete sense. People come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes it’s a brief interaction - a few words exchanged, maybe just a smile or a simple act of kindness. Sometimes it’s longer - a few days, a few months, a few years, maybe even a lifetime. But however long it is, they’re there for a reason - for you to learn from them, for them to learn from you, or for both of you to...